January closes with a lot of unfinish thoughts that I hope could be settled yet unable.It leaves me with more uncertainty that yet brings me another upsetting moment. Friday, 2nd Feb 2007, 1945 pm, I realize a fact which have long been display within me but have yet to be allowed into believing. That evening ends it all. My conscience became clear as to what I want in life. Almost 8 months and within a split second, everything is concluded.
20 years old, too young or too mature to understand Life. Doesn’t matter. What matter now is I have ended my months of possible sorrowness with minimal happiness. Perhaps the happiness given to me was all a hoax.
No Longer am I bound by anyone or subjected to one. I have drifted so far that I placed other’s happiness before me that my own happiness wasn’t in anyone’s agenda. Blinded. Maybe. Neither am I worried, guilty or sad. Letting you go was the hardest thing but keeping you will be the hardest thing to do.
Opposite Attracts. Not necessary true. Opposite repels terribly. Abandoned behind was one of my closest friend, my brotherhood and my own life. For yours, everything was given willingly by my soul. So willingly that basic gratitude is even harder to show towards my willingness in everything.
People’s perception. I have given my word for it of what I concluded but none was taken into believing. Just regarded as endless speeches.
Trust. Powerful word that can either destroy or make someone. It didn’t destroy me but it will take me a while to trust anyone anymore.
Leaving behind a memory is painful and torturing but this is the stand that I have to take for my own good. Memories are meant to be remembered but not this one. The pain may be gone but the scar is left behind….
Seeking forgiveness is the rightful thing to do to tighten any loosen bond, but it comes from a sincere heart. A heart filled with dubious thoughts of others, how can it be used to seek forgiveness… Nevertheless, I am only a creation of the almighty God. I forgive you. Go on my past, get what you want in life and whom you want in life. I have free you. From my heart and from my soul. Bless you
HaFeez
